This is probably the longest continuous shenanigan I have done. For the past 2 years, I have been frequently updating a Facebook page called “Godzilla For Boone County City Destroyer,” including making the wonderful Florence water tower stomping GIF. Over the last few weeks, I have been paying for Facebook ads for my gag page to appear to very targeted audiences in Boone County, to the point where hopefully these people are pretty much seeing the ad all the time lol We ended up getting a lot of shares on the ad and plenty of new likes and laughs.
We also did Door-to-door canvasing, thanks to the Godzilla costume I purchased this summer and have since been upgrading fursuit-style into a real Godzilla costume.
The canvasing wasn’t as successful as possible due to the fact that nobody was really available to help me with it the week before the election. we did it really last minute, but we still got quite a few confused looks and good laughs for it. Sadly none of the videos turned out well, so I’m not gonna bother posting them, but I will share with you the script of talking points we kept on the clip board for use while canvasing.
“hello Sir/Madam, Do you have a minute to talk about the upcoming local election for City Destroyer?”
No: “We’re sorry to bother you, please have a wonderful and smashing day.”
Yes/What: “Godzilla is running for office of City Destroyer in November on behalf of The G.O. M. party, the Gigantic Outraged Monstrosities party. The time has come for serious candidates to step forward in Boone County, and to step ON Boone County.”
“Are you aware of Godzilla’s experience as a public servant? Over the past 70 years, He has personally worked with numerous high ranking military officials of the Japanese and US military on several large projects. Together, they ensured that maximum crushing occurred in places like Tokyo and NYC. Now, its time for Boone County.”
Go into policies from here.
“While Godzilla’s main platform is on top of your house or place of business, there are a few things Godzilla has fought for through out his life, primarily himself.
Godzilla is pro-life. For his life, not yours.
Godzilla is in favor of all green initiatives, like himself.
Godzilla plans to destroy the heroin epidemic, along with everything else.
Godzilla supports the second amendment, bullets only make him stronger.
Godzilla has big plans for restructuring the economy, as well as the topography.
Godzilla wants to eliminate unnecessary spending, as well as spending at all.
Godzilla will make nuclear waste management is a large priority.
Godzilla wants to Make America Great Again, as great as it was before it was colonized by man.
Godzilla fights against growth of big business, Godzilla has fought plenty of bigger enemies, like Mothra.”
Opponent: “Godzilla’s opponent, the incumbent Ebola Virus has not done what he has promised 2014. He has not reaped destruction to our society, Godzilla is tired of politicians who play these games.”
Qualification: “it is true that some have questioned Godzilla’s birth affecting his candidacy. This is merely a political tactic. Godzilla was born in 1952 at Bikini atoll, a US military base.”
Other office: “Godzilla is a public servant. he has stated that he will also accept a write in position as Boone County District 5 Stomptroller.”
Closing: “In closing, Godzilla is a loving mother who desires to represent the needs of Boone County…’s destruction.
Godzilla seeks to unite Northern Kentuckians, that way they are easier to find and crush.
Godzilla’s goal is to eliminate Boone County’s Carbon Footprint and replace it with his own.
A vote for Godzilla is a vote for change. BIG change.
We hope to hear your voice at the voting booth, screaming in terror for Godzilla. Thank you for your time.”
If they are responding positively, before leaving ask if we can have a quick photo op with them shaking hands with Godzilla. if they agree, also ask if they have a baby that Godzilla can kiss. Because, you know, it would be good for his image.
- Sadly no one had a baby Godzilla could kiss.
I also designed a chat bot for the Facebook page, which you can check out by going to the page and clicking “message” and type any message to Godzilla and see how he responds! Its pretty fun and was a good learning experience for me to try out.
I even wrote an editorial to send into the Boone County Enquirer for the election day paper, but I forgot to submit it before the deadline (PS how am I an honors student in college!?).
Unfortunately though, Godzilla informed us on Wednesday that he had lost the election. He mad a very gracious move in conceding to his opponent, 2016’s biggest fear: “Impending Race War.”
Sad, but clearly the people have spoken. they are not ready for true destruction yet. So it looks as though Godzilla will be seeking the office again in the next election! What a true public monstrosity.