The Poetic Response

poor Red-Type-Who must be at the end of their rope,
but for Seat-Crapper we know at least there’s still hope

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This is definitely is in my top 3 favorite pranks of all time!

One day in august of 2014, while walking down the hall to my dorm room, I noticed a large note on the door to the dining hall staff bathroom… This is the note, typed in all red and clearly placed by an unhappy employee:
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Disgusting right?!?! Like what in the world happened to make them have to put up a sign like that?!?! The worst part is that whoever was pooping on the “toilet seat or floor” and wasn’t cleaning up after themselves was also serving me food… if they were not cleaning up after themselves, they likely were not washing there hands either…

But why, in the name of all things decent, does that sign have to be on the outside of the door?!?! Where students who live and eat here can see it?!?! Couldn’t it at least be on the wall above the toilet?!? After walking by it for a week or two and being horrified each day it still was up, I decided I could take it no longer…
So I happened to stumble across a fantastic poem of a related subject online, which I then edited and expanded on. It was then printed out and heavily taped up next to the original disgusting note… This one is very doctor Seuss inspired…
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That picture is pretty grainy, so here is what my “response” poem said:

All the Whos down at Who Inc. NKU, the tall and the small
Could poop without being revolting at all
The Whos, when pooping, would poop in the pot
But the Seat-Crapper, who worked at Who Inc. NKU, would not

Just yesterday morning, around ten past eleven
The Seat-Crapper started pooping at mach oh-point-seven
And when Red-Type-Who had to poop their Who-Hash from last night
They went into the staff-bathroom and got quite a fright:

There was poop on the floor, there was poop in the stall
There was poop on the seat and on every wall
There was poop on the tile, there was poop on the grout
There was scarcely a place where poop was not about

There was poop on the handle, there was poop on the tank
There was poop on the john door, oh how that poop stank!
There was poop everywhere, the new paint was peeling
Why that Seat-Crapper even got poop on the ceiling!

Red-Type-Who had enough of the Seat-crapper’s antics
suddenly Red-Type concocted a note of semantics
posting it on the door will be goodRed-Type Who said
disregarding the literate students whom the employees fed

“It’s okay at the home when one craps on the seat
It’s okay at the home when one poops on concrete
but at this place the Whos must share just the one crapper,
so when you miss the mark just simply clean it up after

You are not at home, here at the work place,
you cannot crap like you are in outerspace.
that simply won’t do here at NKU, I know it’s not easy,
but to clean it up right will make it so much less creepy”
The poop was bad, maybe Callahan’s worst ever
but truthfully the note was not all that much better
poor Red-Type-Who must be at the end of their rope,
but for Seat-Crapper we know at least there’s still hope

surprisingly it remained there for about a week before it was removed! Unfortantely they left the orginal note up, fully ignoring my polite way of saying “this is disgusting, students don’t want to see this”…
So I made a second note that was much more direct to that point
It was even formatted exactly like the orginal!

1412378042179 good
They took that one down two days later… With the original still up…

What vile things must have been occurring in that bathroom to make that note so critical to keep posted there!?!?!

Finally I just decided to deface the note that had been defacing the basic decency of every student who ate their…
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keep it up!

they took the note down and it was never seen again…

Success!

“but truthfully the note was not all that much better
poor Red-Type-Who must be at the end of their rope,
but for Seat-Crapper we know at least there’s still hope”

Author: Jared K

Prank artist, chainsaw juggler, Marsupial extraordinaire, VHS-remote collector/connoisseur, ice sculpture repair technician and generally a real cool cat.